A recent study done at the prestigious Sam Houston Institution of Technology better know as S.H.I.T. has found that flagellant emissions by Veegan's was three times higher than that of people who have a mixed diet of meat and vegetables. The extensive study was conducted over a five year period and included the participation of some 5,000 volunteers divided evenly between meat-eaters and non-meat eaters. Some environmentalist groups and P.E.T.A. located in San Francisco are already questioning the legitimacy of this report claiming that S.H.I.T. has large endowments from wealthy cattle ranchers, adding this report does not pass the smell test. Additionally, F.A.R.T. the Federal Association of Retired Tomato-growers has condemned the report. However, members of the Board of Regents at S.H.I.T. are standing by the results. Furthermore they are now claiming that by eating meat people are, in fact, cutting down on green house gas emissions countering the argument by environmental groups that livestock are contributing to global warming and therefore should be taxed accordingly. Scientist at S.H.I.T. point out a well know fact to back up their findings, "Bean-eaters fart more than Big Mac eaters".
Meanwhile inside sources at the White House indicate many of the staff are in disarray over the contents of this reports with some staffers and interns calling for a separate eating areas for the Veegans in the cafeteria and a designated Veegan break areas outside. As usually the President hasn't yet taken a position on these rapidly developing events. The situation on Capital Hill is about the same with some meat-eating Senators demanding Veegans be excluded from certain "closed door hearings". Things appear to be spinning out of control as both sides harden their positions. A few of the meat-eating Senators are now calling for a special tax to be levied on all beans sold in the country to buy carbon credits. The senior senator from Texas is planning to introduce a bill calling for a nationwide ban on Veegans in all public eating places, and in all closed places where large crowd gather. Again the President's position is unclear on this fast moving story. Outside the White House protesters from both sides are gathering with those on the Veegan side hurling unseen missiles at the meat-eaters! Capital police with gas masks have be observed arresting some of the Veegans and hauling them off in Hasmat vehicles. As this situation unfolds trading on the Chicago Mercantile Exchange has been wild with cattle futures soaring while bean futures are tumbling with most other commodities remaining stable. Meanwhile the man on the street was saying these stinking politicians have finally been exposed and he was grateful to S.H.I.T.
Although President Obama's public position remains neutral some White House correspondences report overhearing some muffled remarks yesterday as the president left the safety of his TOTUS. The meaning of these unguarded remarks is yet to be aired.
S.H.I.T. vs P.E.T.A
Ugock and his small clan crossed the vast ice fields of the frozen north following the great herds of caribou and wolly mammoths during the day and at night finding shelter in the many ice caves of the enormous glaciers. Once inside they used their flint tools to build a fires to provide the warmth needed to get through the long night. As the heat from their several campfires began to warm the cave ice on the caves roof, it would melt. Small amounts of the ice and the water would drip or run down the sides of the caves walls. This was their way of life, the nights in the caves and the days searching for the animals of the north. A cycle that continued for thousands of years. As time passed Ugock noticed the level of a nearby lake was rising. He thought about this at night while sitting near his campfire as he watched the ice melting on the caves roof with an occasional drop of water hitting him on the head. Suddenly on night he jumped to his feet, for he had discovered an absolute truth, he was causing the lake to rise. It was him and his small cave fire and the fires of other nearby clans.
Next day he raised the alarm and warned all he met of the approaching danger and urged all to reduce the size and number of their cave fires, less the lake continue to rise and drown them all. The fires dimmed but the water continued to raise and eventually out of desperation sacrifices were made to the old gods. The Paleo-Indians had discovered man-made global warming.
Now some 15,000 years later the new cave-dwellers of the sprawling canyons of metropolis have again discovered that ancient enemy of global warming and just as Ugock they are calling for the dimming of the campfires to stop the rising waters. And in time they will call for greater sacrifices to the gods of science, not the virgin sacrifices of the past (alas, no more virgins), but instead, the sacrifice of "our way of life". The sky is falling again and the Chicken Little's of the world are sounding the alarm!
I first posted this in 2009, but still a timely piece considering the Chicken Little's are as loud as ever with President Obama leading the chorus.
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THE FIRST GLOBAL WARMING ALARMIST
""Liberty and freedom are precious and must be fought for and many generations of Americans have answered the call and heard the toll of the Liberty Bell. Now is such a time and ask not for "whom does the bell toll". For those on the greens at Lexington and Concord heard the call and saw the approaching danger in the forms of "Brown Bess" and "Redcoat". And when the smoke had cleared the deaf ear of the oppressor was pierced by "the shot heard round the world".""
RESIST PROGRESSIVE TYRANNY
KENYAN WITCH DOCTOR
OBAMA'S AGENDA, BENGHAZI, FAST AND FURIOUS, V.A. SCANDAL, IRS SCANDAL, OBAMACARE, AFFORDABLE CARE ACT, 2014 ELECTIONS, HILLARY CLINTON, RAND PAUL, JOE BIDEN, BARACK OBAMA, TED CRUZ, MARK TWAIN, SAMUEL CLEMENS, TEA PARTY, TEABAGGER, JESSE JACKSON, AL SHARPTON, SHEILA JACKSON-LEE, RACISM, CLIMATE CHANGE,MICHELLE OBAMA, V.A. CARE,KOCH BROTHERS, HARRY REID, CONGRESS, SENATE, HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES, CHRIS STEVENS, HASHTAG, TYRANNY, GLOBAL WARMING, FREE SPEECH, SEGREGATION, VLADIMIR PUTIN, UKRAINE, GODZILLA, ECONOMIC GROWTH, EXTREMIST, TERRORIST, DOMESTIC TERRORIST, ISLAM, LGBT, BABES, BOKO HARAM, MONICA LEWINSKY, MARCO RUBIO, ENVIRONMENT, CARBON FOOTPRINT, JIM CROW,BENGHAZI COVERUP, ISRAEL, JOHN KERRY, POST RACIAL SOCIETY, APARTHEID STATE, PROGRESSIVE SEGREGATION, LIBERAL BIBLE, NATIONALIZATION, CHRIS CRISTIE, BEN CARSON, AMERICAN PRESTIAGE, BILL CLINTON,
Great "Bird of Truth"
From deep in the heart of the jungle, near the slopes of Kilimanjaro came the cry of the African Yeswecan bird---freemed, freemed, freemed and the well tanned Witch Doctor of the illusive Libocrat tribe picked up the ringing calls of the Yeswecan bird as the great man strolled past the village elders who were awed by his mere presence and majesty. He had a almost god-like quality and a proud gate in his walk. The elders gathered round him waiting for his thunderous, all knowing words. And as he looked into the tiny pool in the village center he begin to speak, occasionally looking up at the mesmerized crowd who had gathered for his great words of wisdom. Then the words flowed from the magic pool to the mouth of the great Witch Doctor. The words were clear, clear as the sparkling pool from which they came. And all ears were in tune to the sounds of the great one as he echoed the crys of the Yeswecan bird---freemed, freemed, freemed. When nearing the end of his flowing words a mighty Polemaetus Bellicosus (the great bird of truth), was seen circling overhead and the crys of the great bird were heard by the elders---whowillpay, whowillpay, whowillpay. The elders fell silent!!